Some days, I look at the world and all I see is suffering and sadness. People are unhappy and wrapped up in their misery for fear of change and comfort in their familiarity. I see my own faults and the faults of others. Waves of difficult emotions bubble up around me. I’m confronted by my limitations.
Other days, all I see is wonder and awe. The sun rises and sets daily and I can’t be more amazed by the our tremendous luck. I see love in all the animals I meet and the people I greet. I feel fulfilled and contented with a kiss and snuggle. Life is simple, yet abundant on these days.
I know both of these experiences are necessary and are an integral part of being human. Without sadness, how do we understand happiness? And without happiness, how can sadness have such depth?
Comfort is a big part of my disease. Pushing myself outside the bounds of familiarity is where my salvation lies. To allow myself to feel the discomfort that arises, instead of pushing it down. If I’m sad, I can cry. If I am happy, I can laugh. I don’t have to analyze everything I do and think about how it will affect others. And this stems from a healthy self-esteem. If I have love for myself, there’s no reason to be concerned with others and their ideas of goodness/badness. I make those boundaries for myself. I like myself enough to say, that feels right or wrong or fuzzy or stinky. I no longer need to look to others for approval.
Yes, yes. I know all this. These are not new lessons… just lessons that show up at different times for different reasons.
I went hiking this past weekend. The place was Nahal Amud, a lovely trail next to Mount Meron. It was a difficult hike, full of steep, uphill climbs and and crumbly descents. I was pushed against my discomfort. The voice in my head said, “You cannot do this. Rest. Go back. This is crazy.” Then the other voice…what I believe is my intuition/my higher Self said softly, “You can do this. If you want, you can do anything you want.” Sometimes I listen to the loud voice, the voice of my ego and my comfort. But on Saturday, I listened to my voice of truth. My legs ached, my back hurt…but I pushed myself until I reached the end.
These are the kind of exercises that I would like to do for myself regularly. With everything…hiking, drawing, conversing…pushing myself past the bubble I create for myself. Breaking down my barriers and seeing past my limitations. This practice creates and sustains willpower and self-esteem. Their cultivation brings light and awareness.
I wish I had a picture to share from my hike, but I forgot my camera.
Have a beautiful day. Stay warm!
Posted by jgg on November 14, 2011 at 8:23 am
im happy you didn’t have a camera.
your words were perfect